REQUIEM, by John Updike, RIP.

REQUIEM

By JOHN UPDIKE
Published: January 28, 2009, New York Times

It came to me the other day:
Were I to die, no one would say,
“Oh, what a shame! So young, so full
Of promise — depths unplumbable!”
Instead, a shrug and tearless eyes
Will greet my overdue demise;
The wide response will be, I know,
“I thought he died a while ago.”
For life’s a shabby subterfuge,
And death is real, and dark, and huge.
The shock of it will register
Nowhere but where it will occur.
— JOHN UPDIKE


This poem is taken from John Updike’s forthcoming collection, “Endpoint and Other Poems.”

Related John Updike, a Lyrical Writer of the Middle-Class Man, Dies at 76 (January 28, 2009)

Gambling on a Fart... and Losing.

My cousin recently forwaded me this gem of a craigslist post. I think what it says holds true --- everyone has gambled on a fart before, and nobody's ever won 100% of the time. I can think of a few memorable instances in my own experience.




Posted to craigslist recently. So good.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tyler Zick <tylerzick@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Jan 16, 2009 at 8:59 AM
Subject: craigslist post
To: James Romey <james.romey@gmail.com>


We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at 6 rivers sharing that basket of hot wings while drinking the chili beer. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

Points of View

Optimist: "The glass is half full."

Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."

Realist: "Yep, that's a glass alright."

Idealist: "One day, cold fusion from a glass of water will provide unlimited energy and end all wars."

Capitalist: "If I bottled this and gave it a New Age-y sounding name, I could make a fortune."

Communist: "This glass of water belongs to all of us in equal measure."

Conspiracist: "The government is adding fluoride to this glass of water for mind control purposes."

Sexist: "This glass isn't gonna refill itself, sweetcheeks..."

Nihilist: "This glass doesn't exist, and neither do I."

Opportunist: "There's a funny T-shirt in here somewhere..."

King of all the World

This silly little excercise ended up being kind of a trip...

1. Put your iTunes (or whatever music player you use) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your next answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how outrageous it sounds!



IF SOMEONE SAYS, "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
#41 - Dave Matthews Band

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Kimdracula - The Deftones

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Pulk-pull Revolving Doors - Radiohead

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Loose Booty - Juvenile f. 8-ball & MJG

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
In Bloom - Nirvana

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Thank You (Fallettinme Be Mice Elf Again) - Sly & The Family Stone

WHAT IS 2+2?
It Makes No Difference - The Band

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Suco de Tangerina - Beastie Boys

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Red Dress - TV on the Radio

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Gauntlet - Dropkick Murphys

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Shoulda Know - Atmosphere

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Hustlin' - Rick Ross

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Is This Love - Bob Marley

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Can't Knock The Hustle - Jay-Z

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Chico Me Tipo - Sublime

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Razz - Kings of Leon

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Through the Wire - Kanye West

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I Got a Woman - Ray Charles

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Float On - Modest Mouse

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Little Queen of Spades - Eric Clapton

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
22 Going On 23 - Butthole Surfers

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
The Moon - Cat Power

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Dig - Incubus

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
I'm Not Over - Carolina Liar

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Landslide - Smashing Pumpkins

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Your Heart is an Empty Rooom - Death Cab for Cutie

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
King of all the World - Old 97's